


It's the 90s and You Have no Idea What Being Gay is

by InsominiacArrest



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Coming of Age, Friendship, Gen, The 90s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 21:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12117417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsominiacArrest/pseuds/InsominiacArrest
Summary: 90s human AU where Joey and Xefros browse the bleak brightly colored decade and learn what being 'gay' isit's a process





	It's the 90s and You Have no Idea What Being Gay is

**Author's Note:**

> Only true 90s kids remember having no idea what tf being gay was

It was the third grade. It was the third day of the third grade actually and you had just gotten a ride to school with your PA.

 

Somewhere in the back of your head you don’t think he technically meant to be there that morning or drive you to school, he was sort of rushing by to drop off a ten ton mummy head. Then he saw you on the way out and you got into the back of his car, there wasn’t much room in the Jeep but you held onto an ancient roman soldier sword and made it work.

 

He dropped you off two blocks from your actual school, maybe he didn’t mean to drop you off two blocks away but sometimes that’s how it is. Jude got a ride with your babysitter, so you guess that worked out.

 

It was the third day of third grade.

 

You were wearing your new jean overalls with three pockets, one in the front and two on the side, your hair was tied back all by yourself that morning and laces secured. You were walking all the way around the square brick building past the sandpit and swings.

 

A bell rang a couple seconds ago, but it was just the first bell, a couple other kids straggled behind beside you. A large boy with hair that showed off too much of his forehead was pushing ahead, later on his next couple words jammed in your memory like stale peanut butter in the cracks of seat cushions.

 

“Don’t be so gay Bobby!”

 

You blink. Bobby Flynn Junior was giving nervous looks to Gryffon and his gang, they pushed on each other as Bobby frowned at them.

 

“Yeah, don’t be so gay Bobby piss baby.”

 

Bobby rolls his eyes in the way people that watch a lot of Full House might roll their eyes. The only thing you knew about Bobby was that he was the top of the fourth grade, Katie Mill had a crush on him and he didn’t share his action figures at recess.

 

He also wore sweatpants and sandals with socks to school every day even though jeans were in. Such as jean overalls.

 

And now, apparently, he was gay.

 

He snuck over to Ms. Jules and she told the other kids off just as you pass and slip into your own line.

 

The ordeal didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, Gryffon and his gang were mean, Bobby was made of bulletproof teachers affection, and you had tied your hair up all by yourself that morning.

 

Later that year you ask Lily Stevenson what being gay was (Gryffon kept throwing the word around that year), she thought for a bit and then said it was when you wear sweatpants with sandals every day.

 

You pretty much took that at face value.

 

\------------

 

It was midnight, past midnight, in fact you could tell it was exactly one seventeen by the many clocks poised around the room around you. Your PA was on a clock binge now and there was already a jackalope holding a digital clock in his front paws in your foyer.

 

You can just barely make out the living room as you creep down the dim series of stairs and closer to the bright sapping light of the television ahead.

  
You are twelve.

 

You are kind of hoping your dad had stopped by the night, maybe for tea or a trophy or to turn on the big TV and watch MASH like he liked to. It had been three months. You had been counting, he was somewhere off the coast of Chile and it had been three months.

 

Your heart drops a little when you see your babysitter sleeping open-mouthed with a deep rumble of a snore rattling through her chest. You could smell the thick bitter smell of rum coming off of her from where you stood.

 

Her chest rose and fell and she was clearly gone to this world as she reclined in the chair across from the flashing TV.

 

You hunch your shoulders over slightly and take the next two steps, ignoring the new bear taxidermy and wishing terribly the creature wasn’t holding it’s own head. You creep down next to the reclining chair your babysitter was passed out in and kneel down next to it.

 

You sniff a little bit and lean your head on the arm of the chair, like she might wake up and pet your hair if she happened to stir. The TV keeps playing, it had boring adults in boring suits with unnecessary close up shots when someone gasped.

 

Your eyes glaze over and you wished something like Clarissa was on that late at night or you could get the universal remote to actually work. You yank your blanket tighter around your shoulders, two ladies on screen walk down the sidewalk.

 

Tt’s only when some of the music shifts then you sit up and pay attention.

 

It was a law show with stern piano pieces and huge reveals to sharp violin notes, nothing you can really dance to. But this wasn’t law music, this was syrupy music, harp music, love music.

 

You squint your eyes and it doesn’t really process, a women with a short brown bob was across from another women in a black turtleneck, they had just been talking about something boring as far as you could remember.

 

The music slows even further and you can feel yourself straining your neck, the camera was panning in. Your eyes go wide as you try to piece together what the camera angle is getting at.

 

Your mouth falls open, this wouldn’t be the first time you watched TV while your babbysitter was asleep, but it was the first kiss you’d seen. Kiss like this that is.

 

The woman on screen lean in and their mouths touch.

 

You didn’t really know that two ladies could kiss, that someone wasn’t going to stop them and bring them rings or play some sort of joke at the end. It feels like a very long moment as your eyes dart back and forth across the image.

 

It was a small moment, just like in third grade, you get up and hurry back up the stairs. You're clenching your jaw and wonder why Ginger never got to do that in _Finishing School_ with Francis Dee. You wonder a lot of things.

 

Maybe Clarissa will explain something like this in next week's episode.

 

\------------

 

You’re fourteen and just made a new friend.

 

It was mostly by accident, really by accident actually.

 

You meant to take the bus home from your first after-school activity, you were trying to branch out and make new friends. It didn’t go very well.

 

In fact, after your first ‘Geology Rules!’ club you don’t think you’re ever going back. You didn’t even like geology, one of the kids just smiled at you earlier that day and you thought you get up some moxie and go over.

 

Now you were just covered in dust and a bad taste in your mouth, what would Samus do? Probably punch someone.

 

You’re on the bus home before you can think took hard about it, you should have probably been thinking a lot more hard about it though since you end up on the 4-170 bus. Not the 4-180.

 

Buildings pass in little white lines as you study your hands and wish you hadn’t left your walkman at home, it was kind of too bulky for your pockets, but it would help. You’re counting stops, but too bummed out to notice they are the wrong stops.

 

You’re thrown back when you blink up to see a whole new city in a whole new part of the county, your mouth is wide open. This didn’t look like Hauntswitch.

 

You stumble out of the bus and barely get your bearings, looking up and down the dark sidewalks and the futuristic light posts on the walkway.

 

You end up wandering up and down the pristine little block until your heels start to scuff and you contemplate just hailing a driver down to help you. But strangers weren’t always the nice kind, enough TV PSA’s told you that.

 

You met him halfway through another round of walking in circles and looking for someone to ask to borrow their landline from. He was wearing a red X on his shirt and looked little sweaty, maybe a lot sweaty.

 

Ironically, you ask him if he needs any help.

 

Xefros shakes your hand, he’s looking for his friend, you tilt your head, you tell him you were looking for a way home. You agree to help him if he helps you.

 

You make a knew friend that day, very slowly. With some rubble involved.

 

\-----------

 

_Cchhhhh-eeeeeee--brrrrrr_

You wince and flip through another page in your magazine as your ears are almost physically accosted.

_brrrr-chcchhhh_

You consider unplugging the speakers as your computer boots up.

_doo doo_

“Hurry, it’s here, it’s here.” Xefros shakes your shoulder as you face the lighting screen of your windows.

“I know, I know, I see it.” You flick him lightly and go to move the mouse around, he shakes your shoulder again.

“I’m telling you, it was Sam Neill in Jurassic Park, not ‘Bruce Greenwood.” Xefros was looking like he was ready to school you.

You shake your head, “look, my babysitter was saying it over the phone, it’s Greenwood. She thinks he’s so hot or something.” You snort at the idea and waits very patiently to the browser to pop up.

“Okay, sorry, but it is Sam Neill. I read the cover, Dammek had me watch the thing five times!”

You give a soft laugh, “he can give me the dollar then when it turns out I’m right.”  
  
You end up giving Xefros the dollar.

You spend another moment trying to get a chatroom for people who think they’re rabbits to open up and then watch as the screen crashes and you have to slowly open the browser back up.

“I know my movies.” Xefros seemed a little pleased with himself, you sniff.

“You just end up watching all the action ones,” you lean your head back, “it’s not all of ‘em.”

Xefros tilts his head, “I mean, Dammek probably knows more.”  
  
“Oh my God.” You roll your eyes and think about if there’s a way to ever snap your friend out of this. Maybe if you dunked him in cold water? The browser comes back online as you search for cats in funny sweaters.

Your mind churns until it flicks back to the screen with a little ad telling you about meeting local sexy ladies in your area pops up.

Your mind gums on a thought very slowly, caught in that peanut pit from so many nights ago.

“Did you ever…” You hum, “did you ever see this movie, or maybe it was a TV show, about… lawyers?”

“Uh,” Xefros was giving her a funny look, “should I know this one? There’s a lot of movies about lawyers.”  
  
You shake your head, “it has...ladies. And it’s...different.” You gnawed on the peanut butter and the words feel kind of dumb in your mouth.

He pats your chair, “it’s not different for ladies to be lawyers. You can be anything you want!” He cheers and you're not sure if you should sigh or laugh a little.

“Forget it, I’ll just,” you start typing it in the explorer search engine. “There.”  
  
‘ _Law ladies kissing TV show_ ’ The engines of the computer whirr like it might hurt itself.

“Kissing?” Xefros was blinking down where he stood beside the chair, “you didn’t say they were kissing.”  
  
“I said...different.” You weren’t sure what to make of it, but you didn’t have to stop to think about it as several images popped up all at once.

Your mouth fell open, there were some ladies definitely kissing on screen.

“Ah!” You dive underneath and unplug your computer just as the rest of the images load.

 

“Whoa,” Xefros was still hovering behind you and looking rather perplexed, “is that what you were looking for?”  
  
“No!” Your face was burning, “it was just a thing I saw...once. It wasn’t uh, it wasn’t that.”  
  
“Well,” he seemed to be contemplating her, “alright.”

 

Joey chews on that for a very long moment, he sat down slowly next to her bed and they blink at each other. Maybe she should ask him out or something.

 

“It’s nothing…” You look away.

 

“Sorry…” He scratched his neck, “so what _were_ you looking for?”  
  
You hang your head, “nothing much.” You throw the cord the other way and crawl up next to him, “Just something I remembered.”  
  
You both look up at your ceiling where you had a series of glue smudges align from where you ripped off plastic stars from up there.

 

“Want to see what Jude is doing?”  
  
“Yeah.”

 

\----------------

 

You should give it up, that’s what you tell yourself, you should really give it up. But you had to help Xefros with his book report and also start yours as well.

 

It helped that the library was just in between your distant houses and that Dammek was visiting his aunt that week. It helped that Joey hadn’t been to the library in a very long time, and really hadn’t had a reason to want to go to the library in long time.

 

You are fifteen.

  
You went to the vet section first and took out a couple titles you didn’t own, most your vet books were bought by your babysitter or else you just ordered them in the mail as of late. You flip through a couple specialist books on large mammals and domestic breeds.

 

Some of the books smell a little like cat pee and you put them down.

 

Your book report was on Things Going on the Country, or current events as the rest of the adult world called it (you don’t like your Government teacher very much). It was heavily implied that Mr. Hardy would be interested in anything to do with the fall of the Soviet Union.

 

You zig-zag in a bored dance between shelves, glancing at covers and then tossing them away when they say anything about guns or the next new war. You are so sick of guns.

 

Your PA was on a gun hunt now, like some sort of gun excalibur, it was in the papers. It had been over a year and you wished you hadn’t been flipping through the papers to wonder where he was.

 

You now had an extra eleven ivory handle shotguns stored in your basement, up right alongside your piles of laundry. Ugh.

 

You dip out of the Africa section of the library and into something that makes you pause. Really pause, like a stall in your motor that has you dig your heels in like a grounded Mighty Mouse.

 

It’s a blue cover.

 

It just says: _Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers_ on the cover, you suck in a rough breath and study the abstract art of a woman holding another woman. You sure are appreciating art all over again.

 

You think about your ballerina poster and if she would ever hold anyone like this. Was that allowed for ballerinas?

 

You look both directions before grabbing the book off the shelf and criss-crossing your legs to hunker down on the floor. You bend your head down and start scanning.

 

It was a history, a history of ladies that could kiss ladies.

 

You’re not sure how much time has passed, maybe a long time, your eyes get wider and wider as you go, like blackholes going to eat up a solar system.

 

“Joey!” A voice was calling, “sorry I’m late, baseball ran a little late.” You jerk your head up at a familiar voice and the faint smell of grass. Your eyes feel even wider.

 

Xefros glances down at you from the end of the row, he glances up to the book section, then back down at you. “The librarian said she saw a girl come up this way…” He was mumbling.

 

“It’s for the report.” You’re not sure what you’re defending, Xefros’s eyes weren’t turned toward you though. They haunted the edges of the books, a red one, with a very stern face looking back at both of them.

 

Xefros went very still, “what’s it say?”  
  
“Hmm?” Joey looked up.

 

“It’s...” He was open mouthed beside the books, he touches the spine of one. “Anything interesting?  
  
“Oh,” You blink a couple times, “maybe.”  
  
He lifts his chin, “I always,” he took a deep breath and kneels down next to her, “I’ll do my report on this too.” He takes down a book with one man lighting another man’s cigarette, you can only nod mutely. “Heck,” he chuckles, “maybe I can write Dammek’s report on this too.”  
  
“Would he like that?” Usually you would tell Xefros to make Dammek do his own damn report.

 

He glances back to you and shrugs, “I dunno.”  
  
You sit in silence and read. Neither of you check out the books but Xefros says that you are much braver than he thinks he is, you roll your eyes and tell him to shut it.

 

\------------

 

You were walking in downtown Hauntswitch the next time, it had only been a week or so and you still feel a little funny. Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers played behind your eyes.

 

Your eyes glaze over, you remember third grade and think that Lily Stevenson was wrong about a lot of things.

 

Xefros was kicking a can languidly down the street, “Anyway, Trizza says she’s going to eat my liver for breakfast by the end of the week.”  
  
You lift your chin up, “didn’t you have some counter strike against her? Like, grape juice on her skirt.”  
  
“Yeah!” He throws his hands up, “it’s weeks down the line though. Dammek is pissed.”  
  
You shake your head, “tell him to stop it then. He’s the one that busted her polaroid.”  
  
He was looking at his shoes, “it was my bat.”

 

You give a long put-upon sigh, “you want _me_ to meet this Trizza Te-whatever. I could give her a finger wagging.” Xefros’s bashful expression shifted slightly and he covered his mouth, he laughs and you huff.

 

“Okay,” he snickers.

 

“Oh come on.” You put your hands on your hips, “I could tell her to knock it off. Have some girl talk. She could pet my dog, people are a lot less terrible after they pet dogs.”  
  
“Unless she kicks them,” Xefros says under his breath and turns to her, “you might be underestimating how terrible a person can be.”  
  
You make a face, “I’ve met the kids at my school Xef.”

 

He snorts, “I’ll trade you.”  
  
“Who will get Dammek his slippers then?” You say teasingly.

 

“Good point,” Xefros nods back.

 

“Ugh,” you put your hands up, “I was kidding.”  
  
Xefros elbows you, “jeez, me too Joey.”  
  
You smile and job forward, “okay, had me worried for a second.”

 

“He wouldn’t even wear slippers. I get his Jordans for him.”

 

You are busy trying to get Xefros in a headlock when he pauses, “Oh,” you feel him pause next to you, “that’s the shop.”

 

You stop reaching for Xefros and put your hands down, there was a bright flag with stripes down the center, bright as a splash of Kool Aid through your house walls. A rainbow.

 

You gulp, “Oh.”  
  
You aren’t really sure what to do, you had heard the boys in your grade going down to this part of town to buy naked lady magazines. But that was a street over and this was something else.

 

You tilt your head, it looked normal. It looked like anywhere else but with a rainbow, you smile a little and something warm glows in your chest.

 

“Oh.”

 

Xefros was looking at it intently too, “Trizza says she’ll give me fifty bucks if I go in and scratch my name in the bathroom wall.”  
  
Tricky’s was a cafe and bar tucked away between another pub and a tattoo parlour. There was a bathroom where people left their names and you wonder what name like that would taste like.

 

It probably wasn’t in the ladies room though.

 

You blink a couple times and glance at each other, like a dare. It’s empty now but you wish it didn’t look so empty on a 4pm on a Thursday. You scuff your feet on the ground and your hair falls in your eyes, you turn the other direction.

 

“Well Gryffon says he’ll give me twenty if I buy him a Playboy from a street over.” You look over your shoulder, “that’s like, a fifteen dollar profit.”  
  
Xefros was still looking, “yeah.” There was something sad around his eyes, “okay.”  
  
You don’t know how you end up sneaking through the dirty magazine hub, you see quite a few more images of ladies kissing each other. It wasn’t exactly the same, they don’t think the word ‘lovers.’

 

Xefros looks like he’s almost in his early twenties at this point, with a really crappy day job kind of twenties and manages to buy the magazine for you after you walk in. You split the profits with him.

 

\-------------

 

It’s another week later, you turned sixteen a couple days ago. There is still something hollow about the fact there was only a handful of people at your birthday party and your PA isn’t one of them. You watched your mom’s video under the covers that night, a new one.

 

It was that kind of night.

 

You still have the Playboy under your bed and you rip out pages and toss them in the trash when you get bored. You’re staring at the glue where you tore off the plastic ceiling stars above your bed when you were eleven.

 

You were going through an angry phase, maybe you still were.

 

Xefros was lying next to you on the carpet, neither of you had even put your head on the beanbag chair even though it’s right there.

 

He clears his throat, “you ever going to give that to him?” He nods at the magazine.

 

You shrug, “I’m going to give him as little as possible of what he paid for.” You chuckle and he nods, you tilt your head up and your thoughts run back and forth.

“I saw a rerun of LA Law yesterday.” You say softly ball up another page of magazine and toss it into the abyss across the room.

Xefros turns his head slightly toward you, “yeah?”  
  
“It had that scene I was looking for.” You say blankly, nondescriptly, “I had honestly begun to think it was a fever dream.”  
  
Xefros tilts his head back, “Why don’t you just watch Will and Grace now?”  
  
You elbow him softly, “not the point.”  
  
“Sorry… What’s the point?” He asks simply, unsure of whatever Joey is getting at.

You sniff loudly and put your hands above your head, “I guess...girls can kiss girls.” Xefros takes a very long time to respond, you study his heavy eyes.

  
Xefros puts his hands above his head and traces the air where the glue stains were. “I think I’d like to kiss Dammek.” He says it softly.  
  
“I know,” you almost groan.

“Do you think Dammek would like to kiss me back?” It was a tentativ question.

You wrinkle your nose, “I don’t think Dammek deserves to be kissed.”

You both give a deep sigh and you wonder if other kids are fumbling with this exact same thing, like loose marbles you just keep dropping down the drain.

You pluck at your fingers, “maybe if Ginger Rogers was still alive…” You muse, “or Clarissa!”  
  
“Clarissa is alive, so good news.” He almost sounded like he wanted to comfort you.

You blink a couple times, “I could kiss them.”  
  
Xefros raised his eyebrows very slowly, “why not one of the girls at school.”  
  
You shrug, “I wish.” You shake your head, “I mean some of them are hot evil. But still evil!”

“Like Trizza.”  
  
“No.” You frown deeply, “it’s just a thought… I mean, I’m sure it only happens to cool LA lawyers in places that aren’t Hauntswitch.”  


That makes Xefros stick his lip out slightly, “Joey…”  
  
“I know, I know,” You were worrying him, “I’m not ever sure if I’m like that. I’ve never even held a girl’s hand! Or a boys.”  
  
He puts his hand out, you take it hesitantly.

“Being young sucks.”

He takes a long time to respond, probably thinking about baseball or Dammek or the fact you were holding hands and looking at a starless ceiling. You wonder if this is how it’s supposed to feel like.

“You can say that again.”

It’s the 90s and you kind of know what being gay is.


End file.
